Fuglies Unite
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/28/opinion/sunday/ugly-you-may-have-a-case.html?_r=1&hp
I speak to you today in this low-lit room, my crater faced brethren, because the time has come for us to demand our rights. Now is when we must join one hideous hand with another and fight for equality amongst the beautiful.
We must fight for the right to hold a high paying job. We must fight for the right to obtain a low interest mortgage. We must fight for the right to be the heroes in movies and not just the monsters and villains—or to have our story reduced to a ugly duckling story that ends in a swan. We must fight to see our pimpled faces plastered on billboards on Time Square.
We do not fight just for ourselves, but for our children and our children’s children. Some of you feel that either your personality or money will spare this fight from your off-spring. And to those I say, “really?” Have you seen us? Have you looked into those neglected mirrors that hang in a corner of each of our homes? No members of the attractive oligarchy would touch us. Why would they let their good genes and impeccable grooming be wasted on people like us? Why would they threaten the maintenance of their chosen elite?
No, friends. We have suffered for too long under the oppression of the comely few. We must begin our battle by taking it to the kingmakers: fashion designers. We must end our toleration of these weavers of cloth that cater exclusively to the beautiful ilk. No more shall we bear the humiliations dictated by these keepers of the status quo, who connive to magnify our every defect while simultaneously highlighting every piece of their unblemished flesh. The “in” color last year, determined by these masters of oppression, was orange. Orange. What other instrument could have been better designed to keep our ginger friends down?
So let us rise up, my blemished friends, and use our numbers to our advantage. Tonight, the garment district shall feel the wrath of the fugly hordes.
